Saying goodbye is another way of saying I remember...

J&K: 2 army majors, 9 militants killed in encounter

J&K: 2 majors, 9 infiltrators killed

How many times have you and I read headlines like these in the last so many years and not given it a second thought? It seems like there is one such headline every few days and all we can do is shake our head in disdain and move on to the next headline. But today, I can't move on, much as I try. Because Major Dinesh R Raman of 34 Rashtriya Rifles who succumbed to his injuries last night in a Srinagar hospital was my brother. Maybe not by virtue of having the same parents, but he is my first cousin and the closest thing I have ever had to a brother in my family.

We were the same age. We grew up together a few hundred miles apart. My mom never failing to remind me that Dinesh always scores much higher than me in various exams. It didn't bother me and I didn't particularly care because when we met he was usually chasing me around with a water pistol because I was rifling through his stuff when he wasn't looking.

Even back then he knew he was going to serve in the army. I was a precocious 13 year old worried about boys and pimples and Dinesh was busy charting his army career. No one was surprised when straight out of school he was selected at the NDA in Khadakvasla, that hallowed training ground of future army officers. Over the years, we both moved around a lot but always kept in touch. He was in Kargil when the war broke out. I remember those tense moments we all spent those few months. He made it through and everyone sent up a prayer.

He called me every now and then using a satellite phone from some mysterious point up there in the mountains, never divulging his location. Stupidly I would ask, "arrey, so tell me na where you are so that I can tell my friends my brother is calling me from the Siachen glacier or wherever!" He would laugh and call me nuts.

Then we met at his sister's wedding a few years ago. We were both 25. I joked, so next is your turn kid! He said in all seriousness, "Yeah, have to do something soon. All my batch mates are getting hitched. In our kind of life, you never know what happens tomorrow." I laughed and called him nuts.

Then he got married two years ago. I flew down for the wedding to Chennai in the sweltering heat of May. He seemed quite happy and I was happy for him. Then early last year, he sent me an e mail -

"I have finally joined the tech savvy world. I now have an e-mail account! Haven't needed one up there in the mountains with the snow and ice for company all this while."

We chatted online whenever he was visiting the plains. I never did get to know his wife....she worked with an IT major and they seemed happy together and she seemed to have adjusted to his crazy life. Then late last year, she went away to UK on a project and Dinesh wanted to visit her. The Indian govt put him through a gazillion security clearance processes and finally 3 months after he had planned to be there, he made it, just before his wife was to finish her project!

In Feb this year, he e mailed me his mobile number in Kashmir, the one he used when he was at the army base and asked me to call. I kept promising to...and i never did. Then he e mailed me a few months ago and said he was gonna be a daddy! He sounded so excited. I was happy for him and I promised to call. Again, I never did.

Two days ago, I was in Chennai on work and visiting an aunt of ours and she told me Dinesh's wife's 'seemantham' ceremony (a ritual most south Indian women go through just prior to their first delivery) was on Oct 15 in Delhi. I told my aunt, "I should call him. I've been promising to do so forever!"

Last night, I answered a phone call I wish I hadn't. Now I can never make that phone call.

As the news report points out Major Vinay was killed first. The army officials told Dinesh's family that he went in to save Vinay and took 5 bullets in the process. He was injured critically but still alive when they rescued him and rushed him to the hospital in Srinagar where they operated on him. There, he succumbed to his injuries. His sister who is a doctor says the bullets hit the liver...there is not way he could have made it after that.

My grief is probably nothing compared to what his pregnant wife must feel right now. Dinesh will never get to see his son or daughter. He didn't even know is it was a son or daughter. He will never get to experience the joys of fatherhood that he was so looking forward to. He will never send me another e mail to tell me about his child's antics. And I'll never be able to make that long promised phone call.

Major D R Raman, wherever you are, we will make sure, your child knows what a brave and courageous human being you were. What a wonderful brother and friend you were. What a wonderful father you would have made.

You are the only brother I have known and I'll always miss you.


Update 1: His body was received yesterday and cremated with full military honours. Here is The Hindu story which has a heartbreaking picture of his father and sister saluting the coffin as it made its way from the airport. I can't bear to look at it or the other picture which shows his coffin with an ID tag on it. Is that what he is now....a wooden box with a tag?

How many more such heartbreaking pictures will we have to see?

How many other brave young men with hopes and dreams will be reduced to a mere statistic?

When will this end?

Update 2: I just read this on rediff. These were Dinesh's last words....and I cannot stop crying. Why, why, why????

Update 3: I've posted the newsclip of Dinesh's military funeral from Timesnow.tv as a separate post here.